What's A Girl To Do?
As alluded to in mini Musings earlier this week, I anticipated talking about Stewie Steeze, her generosity with fans, and possibly the power of women's relationships. Last night, I believed I was going to write about voluptuous beauties, slender sirens, misfit mayhem; goddesses, the Eclipse Red Carpet, or maybe The Kimmel Eclipse Special. However, while I will wave my hands in the air-uh like I just don't care-uh in homage to Kristen's surreal fashion tour de force of the past weeks, I also must address that Entertainment Weekly happened. I awoke this morning(Wednesday) after precious little sleep to an excerpt of an interview with Kristen and Rob and Taylor. Suddenly I found myself confronting the very reasons for the creation of this little blog...Searing criticisms, the shaming of Others, antiquated ideas of "beauty". Suffice to say, I got all kinds of...twitchy again.
Wind machines make me feel sexy too.
The excerpt chosen, featured Rob and Kristen and their address of the recent comment in which Kristen compared her experiences with the papparazzi (AKA AssClowns) to rape (see this very blog's June 10 Musings on the subject). Several events stood out at me as I scanned the brief piece: First, I thought Kristen was articulate and genuine in her response to the interviewer's inquiry into the controversy. Secondly, she very clearly acknowledged RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network), the most vocal group demanding an apology from her. Plus she spoke of the significance the subjects of rape and abuse hold for her. Thirdly, Robert came to Kristen's defense, which earns him a quickie shout out as Rebel Honorable Mention today, a little later. Lastly, I noticed that Kristen and Rob demonstrated a great awareness for the double standards at work when she is involved. Specifically, fans and critics (Bullshit People, Witch Other Hunters) hold different standards and expectations for Rob and Kristen.
Rob stated the associations that criticized Kristen (including RAINN) over her rape comparison are doing so specifically to further their own agendas of publicity and notoriety. He asked for the online journos and associations demanding apologies and doling out judgments to be accountable professionally before they pounce.
Kristen replies: "See, if I had said that? Crucifixion. You can say so much more than me. It's insane." Earlier in the article she said: "I probably shouldn't say this, but I just feel like people got so excited once they saw it was me. It was like, 'Sweet! Let's get her!'"
Are people chomping at the bit to specifically hunt her down? Rob seems to think so. What did I see at the bottom of the brief EW preview? Already nearly one hundred commenters' reactions to the excerpt of an interview and these comments were quite critical. No, worse. The majority of comments were hateful. I won't go into specifics because I don't have the energy nor do I want to taint this supportive Kristen and Rob site with vileness. But I will share my observations. The majority of commenters both critical and supportive, presented themselves with female monikers. Also, I noticed that most comments were disproportionately supportive and defensive of Rob, but were incensed and enraged towards Kristen. She was called names [paraphrasing] such as: whiny, stupid, class-less, bitchy, poor-acting, ungrateful rich-girl and immature. But the man who defended KStew and called out the media opportunists was called "A Gentleman" and revered for cleaning up Stewart's messes ...again with deference and awe. Ummmmmmmm. Double standard much?
Leave the double standards and hypocrisy at the double lines
The Feminine Code
So I got to musing (it's kinda what I do). Why are other females so intent on tearing down fellow females? What is it about women that elicit such strong critical, brutal reactions from fellow females? What is it about Kristen Stewart particularly that provoke the most vicious vilification? According to Rachel Simmons' Odd Girl Out, an incredible case study of aggression in young women and the repercussions into adulthood, there are several contributing factors to female-on-female hostility. Three main factors are:
1. Confidence: If it's present, the surrounding females will see it, feel threatened by it. "Oh, she thinks she's All That!"
2. Scarcity: A shortage of "deliciously handsome" companions? "You gonna take my man/friends/sister/lover/social status?"
3. Breaking the Feminine Code, which states that Girls Must:
a. Be modest b. Be self deprecating c. Be demure d. Be nice e. Put others before themselves f. Not be overly assertive g. Not be overly sexual in dress, speech or walk h. Not be argumentative i. Pretend she doesn't know the answers even when she does
Ah hell. If that is the Feminine Code (and it was when this book was published, approx
2004), no wonder our KStew is crucified. No wonder Other Queens and Rebel Royals are garnering so much attention. I look at the points and wonder, though, wouldn't we all be guilty of violating The Code? Aren't we Others the antithesis to those outdated Feminine Rules? Those of us who are opinionated, sometimes emotional, active in sports and/or debate team, lipstick-toting, confidence-sprouting, high-heel wearing, information-seeking souls are actually Rabble Rousers? Law Breakers?! Good Goddess, then Aphrodite, the Goddess of love, beauty, pleasure is quite the hellion!
Obvs, the Original Hussy
Studying Simmons' discoveries on aggression and "alternative [nonviolent, nonphysical, though more psychologically damaging] bullying," I might speculate that the particularly angry EW commenters were simply enforcing the Feminine Code. Perhaps, they were just acting as their evolutionary instincts seemed appropriate. MISSION: Eliminate potential threats to what has always been The Way of Life. Perhaps these female commenters were reminding Kristen, Aphrodite and the rest of us Others that we have Female Roles to fulfill in society. Wife. Mother. Demure, Good Girl. Graceful, Gracious Hostess. Below-the-Radar Companion. Kept.
Don't fret, Stewie, according to the enforcers of The Code,
you can be single maybe 3 or 4 more years before you should consider settling down.
I think back, and realize the Homecoming Queen nomination was the beginning of my conscious forays in Otherness, but I have made it a habit to not adhere to The Feminine Code, apparently. For one, I wore Doc Martens and knee-high fishnets under my dresses. I wore, and continue to wear tops and blouses that accentuate my impressive cha-chas. I never pretended to play mommy or play house when I was a little girl, though I had many friends who did. That was cool with me. I never wanted to get married. I didn't believe I would, as marriage did not feel like the right path for me. Firstly, my job as a marriage and child counselor left some deep wounds on my psyche. For another, I love world-gallivanting so much, I was never in one place long enough to cultivate and nurture long-distance romances.
I grew up in a neighborhood that looked a little like The Cleavers', and I was blessed with several neighborhood kids my same age. They all got married and began popping out the pups as I pieced together monthly rent money and charted my travels to Europe in between psych internships. The cat that is now my husband fits nicely with me, because he has the wanderlust as strongly as I do. We met in Japan as I was en route to South Korea and The Philippines for a solo adventure. Kinda perfect, right?
I grew up in a neighborhood that looked a little like The Cleavers', and I was blessed with several neighborhood kids my same age. They all got married and began popping out the pups as I pieced together monthly rent money and charted my travels to Europe in between psych internships. The cat that is now my husband fits nicely with me, because he has the wanderlust as strongly as I do. We met in Japan as I was en route to South Korea and The Philippines for a solo adventure. Kinda perfect, right?
How else am I smashing through the antiquated tenants of The Feminine Code? Well, even when I did marry, I wasn't considered "young". I was 29. That was two years ago. And whoa whoa whoa, hold up on the talk of breeding, mmmkay?
Truth. I don't cook. GASP. Listen, I can, I just choose not to. N, my hubs, is just discovering his talents in the kitchen. As I wrote this section, N whipped up a fresh batch of chicken curry and jasmine rice. Do you see me fighting this???? So, while he experiments with exotic ingredients to recreate entrees from his Southeast Asian homeland, I work my culinary wonder: Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.
Fuck.
That means not only am I an unemployed Other Queen, but I couldn't cook a pot roast if my life depended on it. *shrugs* Oh well. MISFIT. I recognize my kindreds in the following Other Royals...
Fuck.
That means not only am I an unemployed Other Queen, but I couldn't cook a pot roast if my life depended on it. *shrugs* Oh well. MISFIT. I recognize my kindreds in the following Other Royals...
Honorable Mention Royal: Rob Pattinson
Do I really need to introduce Mr Pattinson to you? This is just a little blurb, as he will be featured in a future Rebel Royal piece. Robert Thomas Pattinson was born and raised in London, England. A pianist, guitar player and singer first, Rob was considering a career in music when he decided to pursue an audition for a role in a little indie flick called Twilight. Colleagues and costars past and present describe Rob as kind, funny, brilliant, charming, contemplative and extremely talented. And, of course, The Pretty. He has so much of The Pretty. With his upcoming movies Bel Ami and Water for Elephants, he is just hitting his stride. Rob reported that he pursued the now-iconic role of Edward Cullen for the chance to work with Kristen Stewart. He had just watched her movie Into the Wild, and felt compelled to meet her in person. We understand, Rob, we do.
Hoodie Rob dazzles me.
ICU Sexspenders. WFE Rob will be my demise.
Like Kristen, I can make leaning look delicious
He tends to go rogue with his statements at press conferences or in interviews ("I'm allergic to Vaginas", anyone?), and word on the street is that he speaks up and argues when he feels his character or storyline faces unnecessary reconfiguration. He enjoys Hot Pockets and cold beer, and reads French classics. He admits he shouldn't ever drive a car, and that he steals clothes from movie sets when he hasn't done laundry. He looks as though he may burst at the seams in preventing himself from blurting his absolute adoration for Kristen, but somehow he keeps his lips zipped. Might be with the help of Bulldog PR Supervision when he's on the red carpet; It might be because Kristen has asked him to remain low-pro. Because he admits to being tremendously gawky and awkward, and writes songs about falling in love with a green-eyed girl, Rob Pattinson is Rebel Royalty.
Featured Royal Rebel: Christina Hendricks
Christina Hendricks may not be on everyone's radar in the Twi fandom, but she has definitely caught the attention of Team Other, and she should be celebrated widely. She is best known for playing Joan Holloway on Mad Men of cable TV. Those of us who are Joss Whedon/Buffy/Dollhouse/Firefly friends may recognize Ms Hendricks as Saffron from the short-lived TV show Firefly. Her character on Mad Men is as an office manager mentoring other women in how to navigate the come-ons and harassment by the men in their 1960's advertising firm. She is gloriously curvaceous, as evident by her impressive bustline. She is proud of her voluptuous form, stating that she aims to keep on any weight gained because she that is when she "glows" and feels "truly beautiful".
One might say she bears resemblance to another famous curvaceous beauty, already mentioned in this post.
Beauty Marks: 1. Curvaceous body 2. Confident in self esteem: "I gained 15 lbs in Italy when I was modeling. That's when I really felt like a woman" 3. Did not listen to her agents when they told her she had to lose weight to get work. 4. Was voted World's Sexiest Woman 2010 by Esquire magazine's female readers.
Offenses of Other-ness: (Per AssClowns, Code Enforcers, Other-Hunters) See Beauty Marks above.
Men say the best reason to watch TV is Christina Hendricks. Women polled elected her as sexiest woman for 2010 throuh Esquire Magazine. She is in her mid-thirties, is not a size 2, and she especially excels at milking cows, per a People Magazine interview. People constantly approach her and give her backhanded compliments such as, "you're so much smaller in person!" She knows that there critics out there who call her fat and fugly, but she prefers to use synonyms for the word "beautiful" instead. Because she told Esquire readers to use words "radiant" and "enchanting" more, Christina is an Other Queen.
Beauty Marks: 1. Curvaceous body 2. Confident in self esteem: "I gained 15 lbs in Italy when I was modeling. That's when I really felt like a woman" 3. Did not listen to her agents when they told her she had to lose weight to get work. 4. Was voted World's Sexiest Woman 2010 by Esquire magazine's female readers.
Offenses of Other-ness: (Per AssClowns, Code Enforcers, Other-Hunters) See Beauty Marks above.
Men say the best reason to watch TV is Christina Hendricks. Women polled elected her as sexiest woman for 2010 throuh Esquire Magazine. She is in her mid-thirties, is not a size 2, and she especially excels at milking cows, per a People Magazine interview. People constantly approach her and give her backhanded compliments such as, "you're so much smaller in person!" She knows that there critics out there who call her fat and fugly, but she prefers to use synonyms for the word "beautiful" instead. Because she told Esquire readers to use words "radiant" and "enchanting" more, Christina is an Other Queen.
Reigning Other Queen: Kristen Stewart
Our Queen has had an eventful week as she prepares for the premiere of Eclipse. She and Taylor toured Europe at a punishing pace, hitting Rome, Italy first.
Beauty Marks: 1. Tells her truth even if it pisses people off 2. Has a growing confidence in herself. "I feel less bare, that nobody can take anything from me now". 3. She recognizes the double standard at what's expected of her, and what's expected of her male colleagues. 4. She recognizes that she is young and emotional. "I make mistakes. I use the wrong words."
Ich liebe dich, Berlin!
Offenses of Other-ness: (Per AssClowns, Code Enforcers, Other-Hunters) See Beauty Marks above.
In the recent slew of press conferences and interview junkets, Kristen has little by little revealed peeks into her world. She reports being very boring and if she had her choice, she'd stay home with her cat Jella. She made a wonderful statement about her generation's view on Marriage, which is generally to "cringe" and avoid thinking about it. But in Other-like fashion, Kristen amended, "I think it's cool...that if you're in the right place it could be the right thing for you". She also mentioned that she is motivated to continue working in her field because she is "happy, and not lying to anybody". She is happy to be on her path, an authentic path. She is feeling less vulnerable, and more confident. She is a radiant sight.
Chucks and Keds. Sign 'em please?
legggggs
Something's working, cuz Girlfriend is aglow.
This is from tonight, back home in L.A.
Or....Maybe THIS is why she's aglow? Look! Its two of our Rebel Royals together!!
I cannot tear my eyes away. They're like the most photogenic pair. Evah.
Other Divinity
Because I got married at the ripe old age of 29, years after most my friends and relatives had already started families; plus, I never took to cooking meals, I am an Other Queen.
Because Christina laughed away the fact that web communities formed with the sole purpose of analyzing her curves, and convincing her to lose weight, she is an Other Queen.
Because Rob steals clothes from the set instead of doing laundry, and because he will publicly defend his beloved green-eyed girl when she is under attack, he is Rebel Royalty.
Because she confesses she could be like the "Crazy Cat Lady", and because she speaks her truth without censure, Kristen is Reigning Other Queen.
Rob is Other
Christina is Other
Kristen is Other.
Others celebrate 15 lbs gained, and are crowned The Sexiest.
Embrace Your Other
Question: How do you break the mould implemented byThe Code?
A/N: Mad Love to: @Buff_82 for PreReading and encouraging me always. To my sister Puss for keeping me anchored in this world, and for contributing Extraordinary to my arsenal of Other Synonyms. To my Constant (Julie) who holds my hand as I sob my way to the other side, every week before posting. To my new friend @Evalola80 who so sweetly requested the Musings On Other update schedule. To Marble Pole for thoughtfully making executive decisions. To my SISTERS and READERS who nourish me in so many ways. Shout outs to my Possum Besties @Ophelia2010 and @Justice_Aussie who I miss chatting with. To @MissBettySmith who always reminds me to speak my truth.
