Winning You With Words

Winning you with words, because I have no other way

I'd love to look into your face  

without your eyes turning away

-Gray or Blue by Jaymay

Wellllll...I'm still writing in this forum because I've still some kinks to smooth out with the new blog site. Today's essay will also be abbreviated, compared to previous entries, and I'm considering making Musings a twice weekly posting so as to keep the essays and Featured Royal Rebels manageable.  I inadvertently gave a sneak peek of Musings' new home today via Twatter, when it was nowhere near ready for unveiling. Nonetheless, in the four minute window of exposure, my dear @deedreamer16 peeked at it and left a warm comment. She rejoiced at the new layout, which was so very kind of her, so I guess it's a good sign that an unfinished product is already garnering positive feedback. Hopefully next week, Lovelies, the new site for Musings will be up and running in it's intended gloriousness. In the meantime, I'll still write a little blurb today because I've swirling ideas in my brain that may need to get out onto paper before I combust. Let's check in with our Other Queen for a minute so we can set the stage for today's topic. 

Ahh. There she is. 

Last week, as Team Other applauded Kristen's communication of desiring privacy without making a sound, Kristen's partner Rob went home to England for a much-needed, much deserved break. Of course, all sorts of sightings blossomed, and therefore rumors, and therefore "editorials" as well, as is the usual when Kristen and Rob are out of the public spotlight. One particularly Rob-"focused" site (which will not be mentioned by name nor linked from here) published an extremely condescending (towards their idol Rob!) article in the format of a letter indicating that Kristen is trying to meld to and assume Rob's life and identity. I cringed and held back the bile that was building in the back of my throat as I read through said public declaration. The author of the ridiculous article declared Kristen a "clinger" and accused her of trying to infiltrate Rob's life by honing in on the relationship with Rob's best friend TomStu (um, Kristen's On the Road costar), and not only after publicity, but also Rob's father Richard (as in, GET OFF MY DICK).  

Do I look impressed by you? You insult my choices,

 insult my family and trash my girl. I SEE YOU. You are no "fans" of mine.

 Words are weapons

So after I finished giggle-snorting through that article, I of course, glanced at the responding comments. HOLY BEJEEBUS, BATMAN!! At last count, the responses were approaching five hundred. And, much like the comments left on the joint Entertainment Weekly interview in which strongly Rob defended and supported Kristen, the comments on this vomitous post were incredibly sexist, crude, and disrespectful not only of Kristen (don't even get me started on the commenters' responses about her physical anatomy) but of the very man they are "obsessed" over and idolize--Rob!  And they were nearly all women. And again, we're not talking a measly handful of comments, there were hundreds. It's quite probable that Rob was talking about the people running and commenting on these types of websites when he refers to the "nerdy bloggers" who "hide behind their computers" and take no responsibility for their words or claims, regardless of how ludicrous they are. 

While this is hardly groundbreaking news, I still am grappling with the irresponsibility that is rampant and most likely a constant thorn in Kristen and Rob's lives. Do people not recognize the power of their words any more? In this time of technology overload, have folks forgotten the impact and effect words have on shaping a situation, or effecting a person/system? Is there no accountability left? 

One day? Rob will wear THIS shirt.

 Then what, Ladies??

A Psych 101 Moment

A modern development among psychology treatment theories, Narrative therapy has the goal of changing a problem-saturated story to reflect a preferred one. In basic terms, we create our own stories, and we choose to make them as positive and truthful as we'd prefer. Conversely, we can, with our own words and behaviors, write a story of negativity, victimization and tragedy. Narrative therapists (I employ Narrative techniques in my own practice) do not believe that people are what they are labeled.

Can you see how calling a person a name (labeling): i.e., BITCH, SLUT, MAN-WHORE, LOSER, UGLY can shape that person's ability to view themselves? A reminder: You only have to hear or see written words once before the words start permeating your subconscious. Think about it: If you hear or read enough criticisms about yourself, when do you start to believe them?? Internalize them? Fall prey to them? Accept them?? Luckily, our Queen of Other Kristen, is a strong and resilient woman. But even she isn't immune. She has admitted several times how criticisms and googled words have cut her. For those of you projecting criticisms, double standards, hate and nonsense onto two people who you most likely do not know, is this indicative that you act similarly in your personal lives too?? But towards or  around people you DO know, who may even be close to you? The people surrounding you may or may not look like this:

But I assure you, your harsh judgments and voracious regurgitation has power to do this:

that is one sad pumelo

The words written and carelessly splashed across the internet and tabloids, like in the article mentioned above, is an example of Words as Weapons. Fantastically (*sarcasm*) folks utilize mediums such as Twatter and Facebook to spread the venom as well, further and faster. Dear commenters and mods on sites supporting the bashing of Rob and Kristen: Do you ever wonder what such public spewage conveys about you? To someone who doesn't know you from Adam, even your "joking" comments ripping apart a twenty year old girl because of shorts she wears, or nervousness she exudes at public events tells magnitudes about your story. You don't want to be labeled, you say?

Stop fashioning your OWN WEAPONS. 

STOP HANDING OUT THE DESCRIPTORS FOR YOUR STORY. 

At the very least, cultivate awareness when you're in a public setting (especially Twitter, Facebook, highly-followed blogs)...where you are responsible for influencing hundreds and thousands of "followers" to mindlessly label and bash a young woman...This woman may be someone's sister, cousin, aunt, mother, girlfriend or daughter because you essentially gave permission to folks who admire you to act as you do. CHOOSE. YOUR. WORDS. WISELY.

Words are wealthy

Because I'm all about balance...Let's take a moment to witness some positive words about Kristen Stewart, our perpetually awkward but consistently genuine Royal Rebel, to counterbalance the weaponry hurled by the anonymous and seemingly spiteful blog commenters.

Actor William Hurt says:

"I’ve defended her in public as regularly as I can. I think it’s absurd, that they’re not giving her a break. I think that she’s holding her own, that she’s courageous, that she’s inventive, and that she’s got character oozing out of her, and I say, “Give her a break. Who is she to pander to your idea of what she’s supposed to be?”

Actor/Director Sean Penn says:
She is “A truth machine".  Mr. Penn, who cast her as a folk singer with a  serious infatuation in “Into the Wild,” said reports Kristen as “magically easy to direct,” adding, “She is a real force with terrific instincts.”

Legendary Actor Bruce Dern says:
"She is a one-of-a-kinder. She has a beautiful, knowledgeable face... a hauntedness. Look at Kristen Stewart: she is unique. There are maybe only two other actresses like her, and they're much older than Kristen."

A Musings Playlist:

Well, since I wasn't able to completely move Musings to the new website, I won't start the Other Soundtrack Giveaway til next week either. But I did want to let you know the playlist is forming beautifully, and I will post a few songs on the playlist below, so you have an idea of what the finalized copy will look like.

the devils tears:: angus and julia stone

           wave of mutilation:: pixies

not afraid:: eminem

addicted to love:: florence + the machine

wake up:: arcade fire

hallelujah:: jeff buckley

....and others

The Featured Rebel Royal segment will also be on hiatus again this week, but we will continue where we left off in learning about new Rebels next week. We will continue to defend and support the awkward, the left-of-center, the unique, the odd, and the extraordinary as long as the detractors and doubters remain out there too. My hope is that we're finding that there are more of us OTHERS out there than ever. *big grin*. Wishing Rob some restful recuperation time in London with his family. Wishing Kristen luck and strength as she wraps up her On the Road filming sequences this week. Wishing you all continued celebration and acceptance of your Otherness. See you next week. Always, KJ

Rob is Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others choose their words wisely.

Embrace your Other.