And in The End, the love you take...

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself

~Emerson

So, I'm writing this having no idea how long it will be, or how much I will say. I've started writing this while in my current city of residence, but am finishing it up right now in my hometown...I'm here for yet another childhood bestie's wedding and a few other  family celebrations. I'll be spending some time with a couple gals of the KSIBTU Crew, and a couple of my Sisters and Readers as well. This week has been a tremendously challenging one for different reasons. For starters, I am in the final days before launching my "magical little practice,  making the leap of faith and taking a risk based solely on the rightness of a feeling. I am following my pathway to bliss, a pathway opened up quite unexpectedly, through my writing of Musings and enjoying my place in the Kristen Stewart Fandom. Have any of you started your own business before? I'm positive some of you readers have because, I may be biased, but I happen to think the readers of Musings are the most intelligent, thoughtful, funny and creatively rebellious lot among the fandom. You're Kristen Stewart fans! Of course you've gone and built something from the ground up, and probably with your bare hands...and while blindfolded! Like McGyver, you just need a tiny clothespin spring and some chewing gum and you've made a time machine or some shit. Seriously, you guys are that brilliant. Anyway...I'm appealing to you entrepreneurs, rabble rousers and pioneers when I say: I'm quaking in nervous excitement, but I'm still pushing onward.

Another reason why this week proved interesting is that Kristen has again immersed herself in work, this time, the filming locale being the beautiful Argentina, and there have been no public sightings of her. Well, there were the Argentinean airport sightings, announcing her arrival with her On the Road  costars Garret and Sam...and some pretty happy airline employees.

I know, man. 

You totally fanboy'ed after she walked away.

Another difficulty (a fly in the chardonnay) surfaced this week, one we've addressed before, but quite honestly, we shall continue to revisit...It's what we do here on Team Other...we  address and attempt to deconstruct reasons for Other-Hunting and Other-bashing. Specifically in this case: The absolute bleakness and misery poured into tearing our Other Queen Kristen down. And Homie Don't Play That.

Call and Response 

We could not possibly understand the scrutiny that Kristen and Rob or Kristen and her family are under. Not unless we are Kristen and her beloveds. I at least, will be the first to inform you, that unfortunately I am not Ms Kristen Jaymes Stewart. The majority of us have only had a glimpse (what, a four minute  interview on an “entertainment news” show at the most?) into who Kristen may be when she’s not playing a character. Perhaps some of us have made it to the barricades at one of her movie premieres, received her autograph, or had a picture taken with her, but we do not know her. 

So when I see commenters posting on public boards pertaining to Kristen and/or Rob, making statements reflecting Kristen and Rob’s preferences or moods; or regarding how Kristen and Rob will act or should act, I get extremely frustrated. I skimmed over a blogger’s  (who shall remain anonymous) thoughts today in an article written  in which she calls Kristen “miserable”, “spoiled and bratty” and acting “bipolar”.

 NEEDLE SCRATCHES ACROSS THE RECORD TURNTABLE

I don’t even want to give anymore energy to this ridiculousness. It appears, wonderfully, enough, for every maliciously-intended thought injected into the world, there are three times as many positive, loving responses to counter it. Check some of the delightful ripostes lobbed back from the always lovely RoseSee, the refreshingly intelligent Opytaylor and the witty folks over at LetterstoRK.  

I will add this: Everyone is entitled to their opinion, absolutely. Everyone has the right to like or dislike whatever/whomever they want, that is not the disputed issue. However, to publicly spout off baseless charges about Kristen Stewart, a 20-year-old girl with whom this anonymous, female blogger has no personal relationship, but to also make mood disorder diagnoses  (an incorrect one at that) is obscenely uninformed and irresponsible. I get to comment on this piece of the article, because guess what?? It so happens that I am a mood disorder diagnostician, and that blogger had no clinical grounds upon which to base her charges. And until she produces a license to practice psychotherapy to back up her "observations" she tries pass off as truth, or, evidence indicating that the writer personally is an expert on Bipolar Disorder, then I easily dismiss this "article" and toss it on the pile with every other vile, inaccurate, sensationalizing "entertainment" article produced. *dusts hands*

I also am a bit puzzled at some of the hypocrisy of Kristen and Roberts' "supporters" that becomes apparent, "quiet", NinjaStew time periods...like now. What part of “privacy” is hard to understand? What part of “I’m not going to talk about my personal life” does not make sense? How does being recognizable equate to Kristen and Rob deserving the scrutiny and invasion of their personal solitude (as some Assclowns and Bullshit People have reasoned)? Kristen has repeatedly and consistently informed interviewers that she will not divulge information about her private life. Anyone who is close to Kristen and Rob do not share discretionary information. The ones that do, perhaps aren’t exactly “close” are they? Not if they blatantly disregard Kristen’s or Rob's express wishes. People claiming to be “insiders” aren’t really all that “insider-y” if they make public statements on public discussion boards and twitter timelines, in my opinion. And “friends” of Kristen and Rob, who know how valuable freedom from interference is to the pair, certainly would never draw more attention to themselves. 

I am not at all surprised that Kristen and Rob are aware of what is being said about them. Rob has referred to the internet “journalists” as “little nerds, behind their little computers, on their little blogs".  These “little nerds” throw out defamations, or start petty rumors, purport in-fighting and spread damage without assuming any responsibility. 

This is what I want to address. The process of being accountable in what you put out there into the world, into this fandom. In previous Musings we’ve discussed looking in the mirror, the very real concept of coexistence; also, The Golden Rule, and even karma. In light of what we saw with an un-famous anonymous writer presenting an article filled with insults and disproportionate double standards and contradictions not only in her own writing, but in her worship of only one half of the Rob-and-Kristen partnership, there will be a counter response three, four or five-fold (or more). That's another reason to love the KStew and Rob supporters out there. The Other Brigade is composed of fiercely loyal, soulful, passionate players. It is beautiful to witness. Do you know who leads the charge in defending Kristen? That would be the "deliciously handsome" Robert. 

Rob says: I heart Kristen. Hard.


And because I can, I'm putting another Rob picture up ...and GOOD GAH, MAN! This is an outtake from AnOTHER Man...How perfect is that title?

So who do you suppose is Robert's Number One Defender?  Oh that's right. . .

Y'all best back up.  

She's already sinking into a Crouching Tiger-
NinjaStew Stance

Do not think for one minute that a singular attack on one of them does not effect the other. As evident in bonded relationships, if one partner is assailed, the other one is also adversely effected. Defense mechanisms crop up and evolutionary instincts kick in. Rob will and has consistently kept Kristen's emotional and physical well-being among the forefront of his priorities; Kristen will and has consistently encouraged Rob's confidence in self-preservation, self-presentation and in decision-making. Realize how intertwined they are. That's why not only is this a Kristen-supporting forum, but it's a support of all Others and of essential, integral members in Kristen's life, including Robert. 

Lastly, before I move on to highlight the Royal Rebels this week, I wanted to share with you an experience that involves you and highlights the idea of accountability, call and response, counterbalancing any obstacles with optimism and support. Last Thursday, while I was writing Musings, I encountered two pieces of news that rocked my world. Without going into great  detail, I can tell you that there was a challenge to my union with my sweet husband N, at the same time that I learned my very tentative financial situation had simply been obliterated, due to circumstances outside of my control. I was slammed twice with these two extremely important situations in the middle of  Publishing Day. I fell apart. I staved off panic, though  barely. I paced. I muttered. Though, for once, in that moment, I did not cry, which tends to be my default emotion. 


What did I do? I turned to my Cyber Sisters, my KSIBTU Crew, my 3D besties. I used my words, sent out a brief email asking for a moment of their time so I can vent, cry and brainstorm a plan of action. And because the blessings that Kristen Stewart brought me manifested in the forms of real life people who have become sisters, friends, confidantes, readers who give honest feedback, messengers of support and light...they responded to my call. Again, for every obstacle or challenge thrown out there, a positive, encouraging counterbalancing force will also emerge. Yin and Yang. I instantly began receiving emails, IMs, texts and tweets from people all over the world. My Possum Besties Ophelia and Justice spearheaded the efforts to send love and encouragement my way my reminding me about self-care and slowing my roll, and the beautiful, brilliant ProRobsten organized a sort of fundraiser in order to support this Other Queen in Training, to keep me from being evicted and  to keep the private practice's opening day for September 1. They wanted me to know they encouraged my efforts to blissfully dance in the bubbles, and help me shoulder some of the costs involved in opening the "Magical Little Practice". And they didn't want me to step back from writing Musings, which I would have, in order to try and make ends meet. 

Without even knowing it, @P_lever had sent me this picture in honor of Other and as a reminder to persevere... just a couple days before I was hit double-time by emotional and financial tornados. And the brilliant and beautiful @kate_suena sent me a care package, really, the mother of all care packages, not even knowing how impeccable her timing was:

chocolates, maple candies, KSIBTU Crew artwork, 

coffee=Therapy

My Cyber Sisters and Readers sent DMs, emails and cards which began arriving (are still arriving) within the next day, which included paypal funds, personal checks and words of encouragement and strength...and love. Reminders of why I needed to move forward. Some of the messages sent read something like this...and excuse me a moment while I sniffle...

"Because Others and Misfits in your city need your guidance towards empowerment..."

"Because you are helping me embrace my Other and teach my daughter to embrace hers..."

"Because it would devastate people if you stopped writing Musings..." 

"Because Kristen and Rob need their allies in fighting the good fight..."

You can see what my favorite thing about receiving mail has been, right? Not the monetary piece (although that is so nice, and I won't have to resort to prostitution now, thank the Goddess). I am overwhelmed with gratitude and disbelief. But stunned into movement, because I have been kicking ass and taking names starting with the government office who forgot to pay me in the first place. I've been able to spend some time with N this week, going to the movies, laughing, re-enacting The Nuzzle  (which I think will be my Rapper name)... Things are improving.  I am able to still put together pieces and address the tension with N while also following the blissful, Creative Life... It's what is issued forth that is returned...sometimes ten-fold. Seek to counterbalance the hatred out there. Seek to truly see that when Kristen is happy, Rob is happy. Or if you're more concerned about his happiness, know that he is truly content when his partner Kristen is as well. Please don't tear her down anymore. Don't destroy role models for Awkwardness, Rebelliousness, Otherness...they're  so rare these days. 

Featured Royal Rebel: Heath Ledger

Oh. My. I personally believe this man is an angel. His warm, glowing spirit seemed to emanate from his pores. It was impossible not to stare at him when he was on screen. If I had seen him on the street, I wouldn't have been surprised to see him floating. Heath Ledger shares many of the qualities of Otherness that Kristen does: painful shyness, an over-analytical mind, impossible dedication to learning the undercurrent of a character's consciousness; nervousness, a seeker of "home, " a seeker of answers.
Born in Perth, Australia, Heath was born to a teacher mother and a race-car driver father. He was always insatiably curious: he was a chess champion and starring in school plays at age 10, and he graduated from high school by the time he was 16. He decided he wanted to become an actor at that time and pursued roles in Australian television shows, landing his first role in Sweat in which he portrayed a gay cyclist; and Ship to Shore.  I first laid eyes on him in the 1999 Movie "10 Things I Hate About You" and I was intrigued with his obvious tender heart, and of course that ridiculously sexy Australian accent.

After several notable roles in movies such as The Patriot, Monster's Ball, Lords of Dogtown and A Knight's Tale, it was the heartbreakingly poetic role of Ennis in the film Brokeback Mountain that elevated Heath's already-acclaimed acting abilities to a completely new level of the craft. Legendary actors such as Sean Penn and Daniel Day-Lewis bestowed praise on Heath's performance, and the role garnered him two acting awards including the New York Film Critics Circle award. Later, he would win the Academy Award posthumously for the most renowned role of his career, as The Joker in The Dark Knight. He was only 28 when he died from a "toxic-combination of prescription medications". We were the same age. While he is remembered for his sweet spirit and his unparalleled acting abilities still with undeveloped potential, he was also known for his personal quirks and behaviors. He had a very tentative relationship with Australian paparazzi, and when he became a father in 2005, Heath was extremely cautious and weary of journalists who would venture too close to his daughter and his fiancee actress Michelle Williams. He admittedly struggled with anxiety while on stage, which often would manifest in giggles (and he would be bashed and criticized for it)  and would often delve so deeply into research of his character, that he struggled for years with insomnia. He was unable to "stop thinking...I couldn't stop my mind from running", he reported. At his untimely death, Heath's performance in the Dark Knight earned him popular and critical accolades from esteemed colleagues and critics. He was referred to as "one of the very best actors of his generation". 

Offenses of Otherness:

Analytical mind hindering the ability to verbalize feelings

Willingly "looks into the abyss" of the darkness in roles

Unwaveringly dedicated to the protection of his private life

Reigning Other Queen: Kristen Stewart

Our Other Queen has been very busy in Montreal and now Argentina in her work for  Francis Ford Coppola's film adaptation of On the Road.  Director Walter Salles has revealed that the first portion of filming has wrapped to his satisfaction, due in large part to the 'excellent cast' who shares a passion and drive to make the movie. Early reviewers of the updated script and screenplay have claimed that not only is it "wise" to have Kristen cast in the role as the precocious, sexual, free-spirited nymph Marylou, but that in addition to the script,  she is one of the exceedingly "talented actors" to excitedly anticipate in this film. 

While she is away filming On the Road, Eclipse is still earning box office millions, location scouts are surveying potential filming locales for Breaking Dawn, and Kristen's name is attached to at least two other film projects in the works after Breaking Dawn wraps, projected March 2011. Despite her critics and the Other-Hunters constantly circling Our Queen, she still manages to appear poised, unruffled and genuine. She was named The Queen of Awkward by DailyMotion (Fist-Pump in celebration for this honor, KStew!) this week with flattering commentaries by comedians and journalists completely stunned by the good fortune of having someone "so beautiful and so awkward" combined in one girl. Queen of Awkward Video HERE. This clip features one of my favorite Queen Kstew Moments: The dropping-and-breaking of the MTV Movie Award on stage...

drop it like it's hot, baby girl

And if I hadn't been already, I would have fallen in love here.

With this Awkward Lovely

Offenses of Otherness:

Analytical mind hinders her ability to express what she means

Willingly "looks into the abyss" in the characters she plays

Unrelenting dedication to the protection of her private life

...Is equal to the love you make

Because I realized that being vulnerable in my dark times, brought to me light, strength and comfort beyond what I have ever known, I am still an Other Queen-in-Training.

Because Heath would giggle when he became nervous and  inaccurately express his feelings in interviews due to his over-analytical mind, he will always be remembered as a Royal Rebel.

Because she is happy being an uncovah lovah, and is crowned Queen of Awkward while she isn't even on the same continent as her electors, Kristen is our Reigning Other Queen.

Heath will always be Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others answer the call for balance

with light, encouragement and optimism.
Ten-fold.

Embrace your Other. 

Question: Are you aware of the intentions you put out into the world? 

A/N: Totally UnBeta'd guys, as if you didn't see that already. Bear with me as you stumble upon typos or duplicated words. I literally started this at 2AM this morning, wrote some more at 5AM before I hopped a plane down south. Finished it here in my childhood home, hours after I had hoped. Don't blame my pre-readers Bouffant, Cynically Convy or Buff82 for any shittastic fuckery you see here, blame only MOI. Thanks to the usual suspects. Thanks to the most amazing friends and sisters and readers who reached out and gave some comfort and love when I was stumbling around broken. Mad love to Iris, Buff, CC, Crystal, Kate, Brenda, CWQ and Julie for sending me words of encouragement that brought me to tears. Special shout outs to Tebby, Ophelia2010, Justice_Aussie, and ProRobsten for organizing a "Save The Loopy Therapist" Campaign...words cannot convey. Thanks to KStewartFan for the lovely Kristen pictures, per usual, and to the aforementioned bloggers Rose, Dano/Opy and LetterstoRK as linked above, for answering the call for balance, with light and encouragement. Special thanks to my Practice's business manager Puss who took a big hit for the team but emerged triumphant with me. Onward to Bliss...See you all Next Thursday. xo, Kj

The weary traveler goes home

If you go, if you go...

leave me down here on my own...

I'll wait for you

--In My Place, Coldplay

We went about one month without seeing hide nor hair of Kristen. While it was vexatious in moments, I was content in knowing she was completely occupied embodying her role as Marylou for the already-legendary film On the Road. The knowledge that she was invested in her work and not hiding from the Vulture-Papz eased the ache just a teensy bit. Well, then suddenly, um. BAM. I think it was even just after I had posted Musings, late last Thursday night. Near Midnight here in Cali. We got a look at Kristen in her costume for Marylou. And then, holy mother, we got pics of Rob from the same day. Outside Kristen's trailer on the set for On the Road.

I was a bit conflicted as to whether I would post any of those pics, as I completely disagree with the invasive nature in which the Vultures typically obtain pics of Robert and Kristen (i.e. stalking, lurking, heckling, invading, ridiculing, then selling those images for an obscene amount of money to grocery store tabloids). But I figured I could post a few of the pictures...because I'm all for supporting Rob and Kristen in their quest to Communicate, Mofos! And I admittedly enjoy watching as Rob and Kristen concisely express their thoughts about papz and perhaps to some of their more extreme-clingy Not-A-Fan Stalkers, without saying a word. And we here at Team Other love Non-Verbal Communication! And besides: Rob sees you, you Stalker Lice.

You know that I can see you there, right?

And MarylouStew says:

I have cold cream, I will use it, Lurkers.

Just not in a way you hoped.

You will not enjoy it.

BeastieBoyRob Says to the Vultures:

"I can't stand it, I know you planned it...!

This is all your...Sabotage"

So the pictures of MarylouStew in her lovely strawberry-blonde locks caused some rejoicing in the Kristen fandom. And when the pics of Rob in his classic Beastie Boy t-shirt surfaced, I'm pretty sure I heard bodies hitting the floor in a faint. Rob was there. To see his Queen, our Queen, Kristen. As soon as he wrapped up filming for his own film Water for Elephants in Los Angeles, after his obligatory work accepting surfboards at the Teen Choice Awards, the dude was on a plane to Montreal to be with his lady love. In the two or three days after those first pictures emerged into the limelight, Kristen and Rob fans began receiving the most incredible gifts of nonverbal communication that it actually overwhelmed. There were The Nuzzle pics. There were the Kristen-is-practicing-her-Lindy Hop-moves pics, and there were about two hundred fan encounters and pictures that materialized. This one was my favorite:

I cant..I just...yesss...for so many reasons..gah!

I prefer this  for many reasons, one of them being that Rob and Kristen are in it...together. Also, this nice lady and her kids made this a family affair and she and her family (husband/dad snapped the picture, after asking Rob and Kristen's permission first) interacted respectfully with the couple, thus being rewarded with the singular shot of the night with both Rob and Kristen in it, intentionally. Well then, of course, THIS happened. And it became one of my favorites evah.

quite honestly, I think this is more revealing

than all of the others.

This picture led to the pics seen 'round the world, with a confirmation that for some reason people still needed: Kristen and Robert are together...as a couple. A K-I-S-S-I-N-G couple. If you haven't seen the grainy pictures yet a.) you're in the minority and b.) you will need to check out the gossip sites elsewhere to see 'em. That's the compromise I made with myself when alluding to The Kissing Pictures. Ok. So what will I post? How bout some more Communicating, my Other Rabble Rousers?!!

Nobody looks this good when walking. 

Nobody but them.

Going Home

So today's Musings is dedicated to the glorious moment of realizing we belong somewhere. That we have a place reserved only for ourselves where we can kick off our shoes, breathe deeply and share that space with what or whomever we choose.

This is something I know a whole lot about. Friends and family know me as "gypsy" or "bohemian nomad". I have the wanderlust pretty fiercely. It's a thirst in me that overtakes and overruns. Fortunately, I was raised by a woman who prescribed to the most incredible philosophy:

Travel is Education.

Travel is Important.

Travel is Life.

Also, with my Island Blood coursing through my veins, and my constant seeking for "belonging" as an Other..and a child of adoption, I was destined to explore and find my niche. Throw in the fact that smack dab in the middle of the years I simply refer to as: 2005 Thru 2007, I lost some major footing and was seeking grounding and direction. In the dark, dark time right after my "BreakThrough" as I lovingly refer to it (reference the Musings titled "Finding your voice..."), I needed to ...go away. To heal. To remind myself what I was doing here, what my direction was. What was worth preserving. I was scattered, lacking balance, and I was RUN RUN RUN RUNNNNING from everything. And "dating" enough people for my friends and family to jokingly refer to my dates as "the UN Panel". What? So I'm worldly. I've told you guys that before. Don't judge. In this particular time, I was granted an opportunity to travel to Asia for the first time. Oh I TRAVELED. I spent time in China, South Korea, Japan, Hong Kong, and finally, my own islands: The Philippines.

Nara, Japan.

World's Tallest Buddha.

un.be.lieve.able.

I had no choice.

It's The Great Wall of China!

I raced to the highest peak and screamed "HELLLLLO"

What is the saying? You don't know what you have until it's gone...? Or...You must travel so far away to realize you were home all along.... There's no place like Home....All of this was true for me. This could be the same for Rob and Kristen. Home. Home. Home. I discovered in my lengthy travels, even having a week on my own in The Philippines to discover my culture, that HOME is where my heart soared. Home did not have a mailbox with my name attached to it. Home was in my suitcase, with my flip flops, in my iPod. Home was where I made it. Home was shared with whatever or whomever I wanted to share it with. Home became to which I referred as my inner contentedness. A certainty that I was ok being a female, adopted and bi-racial and pierced and tattooed and voluptuous and a fan of both Rage Against the Machine AND Fergie...a confidence that wherever I was...I was OK. I didn't need to go in search of my biological parents when I went to the Philippines...But I did go and find my culture.. I ate the cuisine, I listened to the music, I spoke with families and had meals with folks who wanted nothing more than to share their family recipe and fresh mangoes from the tree. It makes perfect sense that I managed to meet my future husband N while I was traveling all over the world and realizing that not only did I fit a standard of "beauty" in some parts of the world, but that I was just fine doing so on my own. He did not complete some unfinished project that I represented. He stands beside me. Home. 

So this week, I'd say Rob went where he was content. To be with the person who seems to be ok with everything that he is. And he seems to be ok with everything that Kristen is. All in her Other Queen gloriousness. Home. 

Featured Rebel Royal: Jenny Lewis

Well, kids, you know how I love me my gingers. Here's another lovely red-headed rebel I wanted to introduce you to. Her name is Jenny, and she is a singer, songwriter and former child actor. You may recognize her from her work in one of my very favorite childhood movies: Troop Beverly Hills but, perhaps you adore her for being the near-primary front-woman for the indie-rock band Rilo Kiley.

While she made her show business debut in a JELL-O commercial, and appeared in over a dozen teen-themed TV movies and films, including The Wizard, it was in 1998 that Jenny stopped acting in favor of forming a band with friends. She is a singer/songwriter, guitarist and keyboard player for the band that has released five albums. She also has released two solo albums, appearing with The Watson Twins in her debut album Rabbit Fur Coat and then later, sans the twins in the country-tinged, indie-rock flavored Acid Tongue. 

Offenses of Otherness:

*has "girlishly seductive & versatile vocals"

*formed a band for the love of music, 

having no financial backing

*in-demand vocal collaborator with musicians:

Postal Service, Death Cab for Cutie, and

Elvis Costello

Miss Lewis has an admirer in our Reigning Other Queen Kristen! Kristen reported once having admired Jenny's stage presence and performance abilities. When asked by MTV during the promo tour for The Runaways, Kristen reported that one of her favorite musicians was "Jenny Lewis". Pretty fantastic endorsement coming from Rebel Royalty, and one who has famously pristine taste in music. 

Reigning Other Queen: Kristen Stewart

In this epic week of Kristen sightings, MarylouStew sightings, and Kristen and Rob "home-comings", her film On the Road is gaining much attention, not only for the incredible cast attached to it, and not  just because it's an iconic book in American literature, but because of Kristen's participation in it. Naysayers claim that Kristen's well-known partnership with Rob, or her involvement with Twilight  is responsible for her "fame", but Kristen's impressive colleagues from previous movies tout and praise Kristen's acting ferocity, disputing the naysayers. "She is utterly fierce" says Melissa Leo, Kristen's Welcome to the Rileys co-star.   Maria Bello, of The Yellow Handkerchief describes Kristen as "wonderful to work with, and a wonderful actress".  And early movie critics have hailed Kristen's casting as Marylou as "wise". 

Offenses of Otherness:

*willingly displays her vulnerability


*seeks honest and authentic colleagues as her support network


*unabashedly direct in giving her opinion

Because I ran ran ran ran far from home to realize I could never shake what was always mine, I am making the steps towards Other Queendom.

Because she picked up a guitar and sang for an unsigned, unknown musical union of friends, having walked away from a potentially successful acting career, Jenny is a fierce Rebel Queen.

Because Kristen has made her opinion on parasitic creatures preying on her personal life--including her relationship with Rob--abundantly clear, without having to say a word, Kristen is Reigning Other Queen.

Jenny is Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others recognize Home not as a location,

but a state of being.

Embrace your Other. 

Question: Who, what, where is Home for You?

A/N: Thank you to Bouffant, as always for pre-reading and perusing the Thesaurus with me--it's like fucking Christmas when I'm using a thesaurus, and B played. Thank you to @Buff82 for making this whole thing pretty. I still tear up when I pull up the page and see her art. As always, thank you to CC, as her joy in writing KSIBTU inspires me daily. To Iris @Just2CUSmile, who holds my hands while I cry through the night..while reading stories. Thank you to my beloved Sisters &Readers including Sail, Julie, Lowkey, Brothaa (Missy) and as always, the Clog Wielding Queen. I want to thank two writers who have broken my heart and surpassed all that is beautiful this week with words they've written: H32M who writes Disappear Here and Danieller123, author of the staggering Under the Apple Tree. You teach me more. You teach me about Exquisite Poetry. I bow down to you.  Thank you to Kathryn, my Welsh Muse, Manager and friend. And to her outrageously gifted husband, my friend Keiron. You INSPIRE. See you all next Thursday. 

Balance, Brothers and Stewie

A/N: Today's essay went completely unbeta'd. I am late on posting this due to complications involving my own methods of grounding and calm, mainly, sleep. I also am trying to strike the balance in starting the new "Magical Little Practice" and living the Creative Life. Takes some practice. Bear with me as I find my footing, my lovelies. Thank you in advance for your kind leniencies.

* * *

After a month of successful ninja-ing, our reigning Queen Stewie emerged in a fan pic with her On the Road costar Garrett and one of her good friends Tom Sturridge in Montreal a couple days ago. KStew appeared happy, relaxed and knowing, her smile full of secrets and promise. Perhaps it's because she had long already known what the public officially learned just yesterday: TomStu, in addition to his usual duties as friend and protector, has landed a role in the already epic Kerouac-based film alongside Kristen and Garret! Perhaps her smile also indicated that her partner in crime, featured Rebel Robert was in the vicinity as well. Perhaps. Whatever the reason, I loved what I saw in Kristen's smile. And I rejoiced at the news of Tom's casting in On the Road. This film, already epic with its brilliant actors and director, storied inceptions and Francis Ford Coppola's backing, has the makings of legend in my opinion. Just to revisit the beauty and billiance of this cast, lets look at a few pictures, shall we? The following beautiful pic compilations were found online. I did not make them, but I would love to credit their creator. If this is your work, let me know, please, so I can credit properly. Beautiful.

Sam as Sal/Kerouac

Kristen as Marylou/Luanne

Garrett as Dean/Neal

Welcome to such a glorious, prestigious cast, TomStu! We learned last week at this time that the acting greats Viggo Mortensen and Amy Adams were slated to play supporting characters in the film, catapulting the role sheet to mythical status, again, just in my opinion. I think Tom will fit in with this cast juuuust fine.

Hello, Tom. Congratulations.

You have somehow only added to the epicness of OTR.

Ok, so outside his pleasing aesthetics, his status as Rob Pattinson's Bestie, and a protective, brother-type to KStew, Tom is a gifted actor in his own right. Did you SEE The Boat That Rocked (Pirate Radio in The States)?? If you haven't, you must go watch it RIGHT NOW. Seriously, it's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time, complete with beautiful Brits (TomStu & Co), a pristine classic rock soundtrack and poetic Others in all their gorgeous rebelliousness. That movie's cast, much like the cast for On the Road boasts a smorgasbord of Rebel Royals and Others.

ICU, Stewie, all smirky goodness, behind Tom's shoulder!

Back to NinjaStew. Let's give props to the fans who made viewing KStew, Tom and Garrett possible: Gustavo and Miguel. These guys, for me, embodied the nature of supportive, sensitve fans, respectfully approaching Kristen first before snapping a picture with her, and only posting the encounter and pics afterwards to grant the actors some privacy and anonymity. They didn't even realize who Tom and Garrett were, until afterward. Their eyes were only for Kristen, spouting descriptors in Spanish: "Kind. Perfection. Beautiful." We concur, my friends, we concur.

Today's Musings will continue last week's theme, delving further into how we've coped with the absence of our Queen, Stealth Stewie and her gorgeous partner in crime: Rebel Ninja Rob. How have we balanced the onslaught of 3D life (work, family, summer vacation planning) with our participation in the Kristen/Rob/Twilight Fandom and our ongoing mission of embracing Otherness and Authenticity as Rebel Royals? Although, it has been lovely to dig up some old outtakes (you all know how i feel about outtakes--why? Too much Pretty? Too many Offenses of Otherness?), like THESE:

EW's 2007 Twilight photoshoot

InStyle Magazine's 2008 Twilight photoshoot

We already loved her then too, Rob

Balancing Cause and Effect

Its a precarious thing, balance. Elusive, even. There are so many things thrown at us within each moment, within each day, it's a wonder we don't crawl into the fetal position and beg for it all to wash away. But we do not (not all the time, anyway). There are a few physical places I've actually witnessed that embodied the idea of balance and proves the concept of coexistence. One of them I'll tell you about today. This place is a site on the stunning island of Bali, Indonesia. The entire island represents balance and karma, really, but this site in particular represents coexistence. Floating atop this peaceful lake is the Hindu Temple Uluan Danu:

And a mere few yards offshore sit a Budhhist Temple, a Catholic cathedral and a mosque, all within walking distance, all amongst fragrant and beatific gardens.

Why do I find this especially significant? Without going into the tenants of any specific organized religion, because that's not how Musings rolls, I will say that I am touched that vastly different ideologies can exist harmoniously. In Indonesia, with a population surpassing 237 million people, a staggering 86% of those people practice Islam, which includes my husband and his family. The remaining fourteen percent of the country's citizens may practice anything from Hinduism, Buddhism and Christianity to agnosticism. But no one is shut out. There is place for anyone who wants to worship. There is an opportunity for equality, balance. Within walking distance.

So the thing about Balinese philosophy is this: It is based on the what is called tri hita karana, which means that there is harmony, balance, and equilibrium between God--however you know God to be--the environment and the community/people. In other words: Interconnectedness. Happiness and peace can only be obtained, according to the Balinese, when balance is obtained. So how do you obtain balance? Well, the first thing one does is realize that anything put into the world, be it joy, anger, jealousy, unrest, negativity, love, light or forgiveness, has an answering effect: consequence.

Let's bring this to a place more immediate to our KStew world, our daily lives as Others. We can adore, admire and support Kristen, Rob, The Gos, and today's Featured Royal Johnny Depp without declaring a rift amongst fellow supporters. We can admire and support these actors and artists without hunting them down and depersonalizing them. Masjids (mosques) can be across the street from cathedrals. Fans and admirers of Kristen and Rob can coexist peacefully too. A hippieCali Therapist toeing the line of whimsy-punk (um, me) following no organized religion can marry and lovingly support her restless, intellectual, kind, Muslim husband (N), especially at the start of Ramadan (now).

ME

+

N

=

Coexistence. Balance.

C'mon, lovelies. If religions as old as time can seek coexistence, so can we. We can seek balance. We can give the space and privacy to our Other Queen Kristen and for Rob while they work. We can admire them and all the Other Rebels in an existence that doesn't trigger war. We can disagree and banter with fellow fans, but we can do so with respect...for ourselves and in representation of our Rebel Royals and Other Queens. We can give Kristen and Rob the privacy and space they've asked for, that they have all rights to. Let's give our girl and her guy some breathing room. And let's remind ourselves that whatever we put out there, can and will revisit us. The Balinese and Hindus call it Karma. It's also known as The Golden Rule: Do unto others...

taking a moment to breathe and ground

Reigning Other Queen: Kristen Stewart

(with a little help from brother Cam)

Other photos have surfaced since last Musings. These pictures are of the Vogue Italy 2007 photo shoot. We were given a peek of a 16 year-old-Kstew with one of her three championed brothers. Cameron is another perfect example of an Other, vigilantly protective of his younger sister, accompanying Kristen to photo shoots, film shoots and promotions. Tall and thoughtful, exuding a creative spirit and tattoos, Cam has often been referred to along with her other brothers (Dana and Taylor) as Kristen's best friend and provider of precious grounding and calm. Balance, one might say.

Offenses of Otherness:

**Cites her brothers as her best friends

**Is more comfortable in jeans & Chucks

vs Red Carpet Regalia.

**Visited a Holocaust Memorial

vs amusement parks on a promo tour

**Methods for balancing: Baking pies, cooking meals for family

Featured Rebel Royal:

Johnny Depp

Our beautiful featured Rebel this week is someone I alluded to a couple weeks ago. I promised you some Depp, and I follow through on promises (though I ask for some room when I am replying to your beautiful, brilliant emails, ok?). I can bring The Pretty to tie you over. So, Mr Depp is an American actor and musician known most prominently for portraying numerous crew members from the Mothership of Oddballs (YES! #GoTeamOdd) in his chosen movie roles. You may know him as Captain Jack Sparrow, Willy Wonka, Edward Scissorhands or, in my favorite example, as Roux from Chocolate. *Pausing to breathe deeply*. But before any of these seminal roles that made Johnny famous, those of us children of the 80's may remember watching him on our TV sets on 21 Jump Street.

yesssss.

As a child, Johnny and his family, which included 3 siblings, moved around frequently. He reports moving to 20 different locations before settling in Florida in his youth. According to Wikipedia, Johnny engaged in self-mutilating behaviors to cope with his insecurities. He referred to his numerous tattoos as "a journal" with "every mark having some special meaning" of an event in his life. He dropped out of high school to be a touring musician with his local band "The Kids", and never returned.

Unhappy with the "teen heartthrob" image that emerged as a result of his role on 21 Jump Street, Johnny began seeking film roles that would broaden his exposure to the work he truly sought. His first film role was in A Nightmare On Elm Street (scared the shit outta me, lemme tell ya), and he moved onto work in Oliver Stone's Platoon as a Vietnamese-speaking soldier, and ultimately to his first Tim Burton collaboration (i.e. GENIUS) of Edward Scissorhands. Of course, his role as Edward would mark his forays into playing the "Iconic Loners"and there really, was no looking back. He lives in France with his partner, actress and singer Vanessa Paradis, and their two children.

Offenses of Otherness:

**Admitted severe discomfort with the "teen idol" label

**Proclaimed that big studios 'never understood' those misfit roles

he would take on.

**Prefers an anonymous life, choosing to live abroad

**Methods for balancing: being with his children, playing guitar

Oh Brother, where art thou?

Like Kristen's view on her brothers, my brother Chew (you all learned of his brilliant existence from the very first Musings) is one of my favorite people in my world. I just this week shared with him my secret world of Musings and writing about The Stew while we were driving along the coast. I've had several of you readers write in saying that your family has no clue of your devotion to all things Kristen and Rob. Part of my mission to de-fragment and balance out my life, as initiated a few weeks ago, included outting myself as a Other Queen supporter to my family and 3D friends. I told my own tattooed, punky, surfing-and-hockey-playing big brother that he inspired a movement of Otherness and instead of chuckles and head shakes that I thought I would receive from him, he smiled and congratulated me.

Chew: "When your work is turned into a film screenplay, who plays me?"

Me: (after no hesitation), "Matthew Fox"

Chew: "Ok, well, he can act, but can he be a bastard?"

Perhaps my brother (who looks A LOT like Matthew Fox. I know, right? zzzing!) carries a little remorse for some of his torture inflicted upon me in our childhood. This includes stationing me in front of tall rose bushes in our backyard as "goalie", and proceeding to kick wet soccerballs in quick succession at my head. "BLOCK THIS!" he would scream at me, and being the little sister eager for inclusion, I would dive to block. DIVE...oh, motherfucker, I would DIVE, resulting in so many painful scratches over my face and arms for weeks. But we got through that. I now view my brother's opinion and his ideas as integral to balance, comfort and security.

No, we haven't seen a lot of Kristen and Rob lately, but we received a smiling confirmation that Kristen is well, and in the company of a friend who connects her with her partner Rob. And at the time of posting this essay, there have been sightings of Rob since his arrival in Montreal over the past two days, which makes me warm and content. I am pleased that Kristen has her grounding agents of Rob and Tom while she delves into a very complex role surrounding a very complex woman.

I encourage us all to continue exploring our methods for grounding and balance in the lulls of any Kristen or Rob news. Bake some pies. Go for soothing swims, exhilaration runs. Make music. Dance. Find your local masjid and commune with your Higher Power, just as N is this month for Ramadan. Remind yourself that every effort we make to release an emotion or intention into the world returns to us...in some way shape or form. Go be with your loved ones, your brothers, your sisters. Above all, be well.

Because I seek grounding from within, but also from connecting with my brother, even though he kicked soccer balls at my head in punishment, I am on the Other Homecoming Float.

Because he let his surefire ticket to stardom and fame in the form of a 21 Jumpstreet contract expire with no option for renewal, Johnny Depp is a Rebel Royal.

Because she knows exactly who to turn to for support, grounding and balance, even as her supportive network is photographed almost as much as she is, Kristen is our reigning Other Queen.

Johnny is Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others realize that anything put into the world,

answers back with the intent to balance.

Embrace your Other.

Question: What are your methods of balancing and grounding?

A/N: Thank you to the usual suspects: Team Other captains: Bouffant, Buff_82, and Cynically Convivial. To my Cyber Sisters/Readers including Julie, Nail, the Clog-Wielding Queen and my OTR Bestie Marble Pole. Thank you to you beauties on Twitter who make me laugh and supply me with the JawP0rn and my Stewie fixes (eyeing YOU @Greenangelice!). Thank you to the fanfiction writers (you know who you are, you hear from me and respond so kindly!) who have ruled my world and contributed to my complete refusal to live in reality. Dedicating this to my brother Chew and my husband N, the boys who bring me grounding and reminder of GOODNESS. I adore the letters and texts and emails you've all sent. I am stunned and awed by your beautiful words and courage. And again, thank you for your patience in my slow responses. See you all next Thursday.