And in The End, the love you take...

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself

~Emerson

So, I'm writing this having no idea how long it will be, or how much I will say. I've started writing this while in my current city of residence, but am finishing it up right now in my hometown...I'm here for yet another childhood bestie's wedding and a few other  family celebrations. I'll be spending some time with a couple gals of the KSIBTU Crew, and a couple of my Sisters and Readers as well. This week has been a tremendously challenging one for different reasons. For starters, I am in the final days before launching my "magical little practice,  making the leap of faith and taking a risk based solely on the rightness of a feeling. I am following my pathway to bliss, a pathway opened up quite unexpectedly, through my writing of Musings and enjoying my place in the Kristen Stewart Fandom. Have any of you started your own business before? I'm positive some of you readers have because, I may be biased, but I happen to think the readers of Musings are the most intelligent, thoughtful, funny and creatively rebellious lot among the fandom. You're Kristen Stewart fans! Of course you've gone and built something from the ground up, and probably with your bare hands...and while blindfolded! Like McGyver, you just need a tiny clothespin spring and some chewing gum and you've made a time machine or some shit. Seriously, you guys are that brilliant. Anyway...I'm appealing to you entrepreneurs, rabble rousers and pioneers when I say: I'm quaking in nervous excitement, but I'm still pushing onward.

Another reason why this week proved interesting is that Kristen has again immersed herself in work, this time, the filming locale being the beautiful Argentina, and there have been no public sightings of her. Well, there were the Argentinean airport sightings, announcing her arrival with her On the Road  costars Garret and Sam...and some pretty happy airline employees.

I know, man. 

You totally fanboy'ed after she walked away.

Another difficulty (a fly in the chardonnay) surfaced this week, one we've addressed before, but quite honestly, we shall continue to revisit...It's what we do here on Team Other...we  address and attempt to deconstruct reasons for Other-Hunting and Other-bashing. Specifically in this case: The absolute bleakness and misery poured into tearing our Other Queen Kristen down. And Homie Don't Play That.

Call and Response 

We could not possibly understand the scrutiny that Kristen and Rob or Kristen and her family are under. Not unless we are Kristen and her beloveds. I at least, will be the first to inform you, that unfortunately I am not Ms Kristen Jaymes Stewart. The majority of us have only had a glimpse (what, a four minute  interview on an “entertainment news” show at the most?) into who Kristen may be when she’s not playing a character. Perhaps some of us have made it to the barricades at one of her movie premieres, received her autograph, or had a picture taken with her, but we do not know her. 

So when I see commenters posting on public boards pertaining to Kristen and/or Rob, making statements reflecting Kristen and Rob’s preferences or moods; or regarding how Kristen and Rob will act or should act, I get extremely frustrated. I skimmed over a blogger’s  (who shall remain anonymous) thoughts today in an article written  in which she calls Kristen “miserable”, “spoiled and bratty” and acting “bipolar”.

 NEEDLE SCRATCHES ACROSS THE RECORD TURNTABLE

I don’t even want to give anymore energy to this ridiculousness. It appears, wonderfully, enough, for every maliciously-intended thought injected into the world, there are three times as many positive, loving responses to counter it. Check some of the delightful ripostes lobbed back from the always lovely RoseSee, the refreshingly intelligent Opytaylor and the witty folks over at LetterstoRK.  

I will add this: Everyone is entitled to their opinion, absolutely. Everyone has the right to like or dislike whatever/whomever they want, that is not the disputed issue. However, to publicly spout off baseless charges about Kristen Stewart, a 20-year-old girl with whom this anonymous, female blogger has no personal relationship, but to also make mood disorder diagnoses  (an incorrect one at that) is obscenely uninformed and irresponsible. I get to comment on this piece of the article, because guess what?? It so happens that I am a mood disorder diagnostician, and that blogger had no clinical grounds upon which to base her charges. And until she produces a license to practice psychotherapy to back up her "observations" she tries pass off as truth, or, evidence indicating that the writer personally is an expert on Bipolar Disorder, then I easily dismiss this "article" and toss it on the pile with every other vile, inaccurate, sensationalizing "entertainment" article produced. *dusts hands*

I also am a bit puzzled at some of the hypocrisy of Kristen and Roberts' "supporters" that becomes apparent, "quiet", NinjaStew time periods...like now. What part of “privacy” is hard to understand? What part of “I’m not going to talk about my personal life” does not make sense? How does being recognizable equate to Kristen and Rob deserving the scrutiny and invasion of their personal solitude (as some Assclowns and Bullshit People have reasoned)? Kristen has repeatedly and consistently informed interviewers that she will not divulge information about her private life. Anyone who is close to Kristen and Rob do not share discretionary information. The ones that do, perhaps aren’t exactly “close” are they? Not if they blatantly disregard Kristen’s or Rob's express wishes. People claiming to be “insiders” aren’t really all that “insider-y” if they make public statements on public discussion boards and twitter timelines, in my opinion. And “friends” of Kristen and Rob, who know how valuable freedom from interference is to the pair, certainly would never draw more attention to themselves. 

I am not at all surprised that Kristen and Rob are aware of what is being said about them. Rob has referred to the internet “journalists” as “little nerds, behind their little computers, on their little blogs".  These “little nerds” throw out defamations, or start petty rumors, purport in-fighting and spread damage without assuming any responsibility. 

This is what I want to address. The process of being accountable in what you put out there into the world, into this fandom. In previous Musings we’ve discussed looking in the mirror, the very real concept of coexistence; also, The Golden Rule, and even karma. In light of what we saw with an un-famous anonymous writer presenting an article filled with insults and disproportionate double standards and contradictions not only in her own writing, but in her worship of only one half of the Rob-and-Kristen partnership, there will be a counter response three, four or five-fold (or more). That's another reason to love the KStew and Rob supporters out there. The Other Brigade is composed of fiercely loyal, soulful, passionate players. It is beautiful to witness. Do you know who leads the charge in defending Kristen? That would be the "deliciously handsome" Robert. 

Rob says: I heart Kristen. Hard.


And because I can, I'm putting another Rob picture up ...and GOOD GAH, MAN! This is an outtake from AnOTHER Man...How perfect is that title?

So who do you suppose is Robert's Number One Defender?  Oh that's right. . .

Y'all best back up.  

She's already sinking into a Crouching Tiger-
NinjaStew Stance

Do not think for one minute that a singular attack on one of them does not effect the other. As evident in bonded relationships, if one partner is assailed, the other one is also adversely effected. Defense mechanisms crop up and evolutionary instincts kick in. Rob will and has consistently kept Kristen's emotional and physical well-being among the forefront of his priorities; Kristen will and has consistently encouraged Rob's confidence in self-preservation, self-presentation and in decision-making. Realize how intertwined they are. That's why not only is this a Kristen-supporting forum, but it's a support of all Others and of essential, integral members in Kristen's life, including Robert. 

Lastly, before I move on to highlight the Royal Rebels this week, I wanted to share with you an experience that involves you and highlights the idea of accountability, call and response, counterbalancing any obstacles with optimism and support. Last Thursday, while I was writing Musings, I encountered two pieces of news that rocked my world. Without going into great  detail, I can tell you that there was a challenge to my union with my sweet husband N, at the same time that I learned my very tentative financial situation had simply been obliterated, due to circumstances outside of my control. I was slammed twice with these two extremely important situations in the middle of  Publishing Day. I fell apart. I staved off panic, though  barely. I paced. I muttered. Though, for once, in that moment, I did not cry, which tends to be my default emotion. 


What did I do? I turned to my Cyber Sisters, my KSIBTU Crew, my 3D besties. I used my words, sent out a brief email asking for a moment of their time so I can vent, cry and brainstorm a plan of action. And because the blessings that Kristen Stewart brought me manifested in the forms of real life people who have become sisters, friends, confidantes, readers who give honest feedback, messengers of support and light...they responded to my call. Again, for every obstacle or challenge thrown out there, a positive, encouraging counterbalancing force will also emerge. Yin and Yang. I instantly began receiving emails, IMs, texts and tweets from people all over the world. My Possum Besties Ophelia and Justice spearheaded the efforts to send love and encouragement my way my reminding me about self-care and slowing my roll, and the beautiful, brilliant ProRobsten organized a sort of fundraiser in order to support this Other Queen in Training, to keep me from being evicted and  to keep the private practice's opening day for September 1. They wanted me to know they encouraged my efforts to blissfully dance in the bubbles, and help me shoulder some of the costs involved in opening the "Magical Little Practice". And they didn't want me to step back from writing Musings, which I would have, in order to try and make ends meet. 

Without even knowing it, @P_lever had sent me this picture in honor of Other and as a reminder to persevere... just a couple days before I was hit double-time by emotional and financial tornados. And the brilliant and beautiful @kate_suena sent me a care package, really, the mother of all care packages, not even knowing how impeccable her timing was:

chocolates, maple candies, KSIBTU Crew artwork, 

coffee=Therapy

My Cyber Sisters and Readers sent DMs, emails and cards which began arriving (are still arriving) within the next day, which included paypal funds, personal checks and words of encouragement and strength...and love. Reminders of why I needed to move forward. Some of the messages sent read something like this...and excuse me a moment while I sniffle...

"Because Others and Misfits in your city need your guidance towards empowerment..."

"Because you are helping me embrace my Other and teach my daughter to embrace hers..."

"Because it would devastate people if you stopped writing Musings..." 

"Because Kristen and Rob need their allies in fighting the good fight..."

You can see what my favorite thing about receiving mail has been, right? Not the monetary piece (although that is so nice, and I won't have to resort to prostitution now, thank the Goddess). I am overwhelmed with gratitude and disbelief. But stunned into movement, because I have been kicking ass and taking names starting with the government office who forgot to pay me in the first place. I've been able to spend some time with N this week, going to the movies, laughing, re-enacting The Nuzzle  (which I think will be my Rapper name)... Things are improving.  I am able to still put together pieces and address the tension with N while also following the blissful, Creative Life... It's what is issued forth that is returned...sometimes ten-fold. Seek to counterbalance the hatred out there. Seek to truly see that when Kristen is happy, Rob is happy. Or if you're more concerned about his happiness, know that he is truly content when his partner Kristen is as well. Please don't tear her down anymore. Don't destroy role models for Awkwardness, Rebelliousness, Otherness...they're  so rare these days. 

Featured Royal Rebel: Heath Ledger

Oh. My. I personally believe this man is an angel. His warm, glowing spirit seemed to emanate from his pores. It was impossible not to stare at him when he was on screen. If I had seen him on the street, I wouldn't have been surprised to see him floating. Heath Ledger shares many of the qualities of Otherness that Kristen does: painful shyness, an over-analytical mind, impossible dedication to learning the undercurrent of a character's consciousness; nervousness, a seeker of "home, " a seeker of answers.
Born in Perth, Australia, Heath was born to a teacher mother and a race-car driver father. He was always insatiably curious: he was a chess champion and starring in school plays at age 10, and he graduated from high school by the time he was 16. He decided he wanted to become an actor at that time and pursued roles in Australian television shows, landing his first role in Sweat in which he portrayed a gay cyclist; and Ship to Shore.  I first laid eyes on him in the 1999 Movie "10 Things I Hate About You" and I was intrigued with his obvious tender heart, and of course that ridiculously sexy Australian accent.

After several notable roles in movies such as The Patriot, Monster's Ball, Lords of Dogtown and A Knight's Tale, it was the heartbreakingly poetic role of Ennis in the film Brokeback Mountain that elevated Heath's already-acclaimed acting abilities to a completely new level of the craft. Legendary actors such as Sean Penn and Daniel Day-Lewis bestowed praise on Heath's performance, and the role garnered him two acting awards including the New York Film Critics Circle award. Later, he would win the Academy Award posthumously for the most renowned role of his career, as The Joker in The Dark Knight. He was only 28 when he died from a "toxic-combination of prescription medications". We were the same age. While he is remembered for his sweet spirit and his unparalleled acting abilities still with undeveloped potential, he was also known for his personal quirks and behaviors. He had a very tentative relationship with Australian paparazzi, and when he became a father in 2005, Heath was extremely cautious and weary of journalists who would venture too close to his daughter and his fiancee actress Michelle Williams. He admittedly struggled with anxiety while on stage, which often would manifest in giggles (and he would be bashed and criticized for it)  and would often delve so deeply into research of his character, that he struggled for years with insomnia. He was unable to "stop thinking...I couldn't stop my mind from running", he reported. At his untimely death, Heath's performance in the Dark Knight earned him popular and critical accolades from esteemed colleagues and critics. He was referred to as "one of the very best actors of his generation". 

Offenses of Otherness:

Analytical mind hindering the ability to verbalize feelings

Willingly "looks into the abyss" of the darkness in roles

Unwaveringly dedicated to the protection of his private life

Reigning Other Queen: Kristen Stewart

Our Other Queen has been very busy in Montreal and now Argentina in her work for  Francis Ford Coppola's film adaptation of On the Road.  Director Walter Salles has revealed that the first portion of filming has wrapped to his satisfaction, due in large part to the 'excellent cast' who shares a passion and drive to make the movie. Early reviewers of the updated script and screenplay have claimed that not only is it "wise" to have Kristen cast in the role as the precocious, sexual, free-spirited nymph Marylou, but that in addition to the script,  she is one of the exceedingly "talented actors" to excitedly anticipate in this film. 

While she is away filming On the Road, Eclipse is still earning box office millions, location scouts are surveying potential filming locales for Breaking Dawn, and Kristen's name is attached to at least two other film projects in the works after Breaking Dawn wraps, projected March 2011. Despite her critics and the Other-Hunters constantly circling Our Queen, she still manages to appear poised, unruffled and genuine. She was named The Queen of Awkward by DailyMotion (Fist-Pump in celebration for this honor, KStew!) this week with flattering commentaries by comedians and journalists completely stunned by the good fortune of having someone "so beautiful and so awkward" combined in one girl. Queen of Awkward Video HERE. This clip features one of my favorite Queen Kstew Moments: The dropping-and-breaking of the MTV Movie Award on stage...

drop it like it's hot, baby girl

And if I hadn't been already, I would have fallen in love here.

With this Awkward Lovely

Offenses of Otherness:

Analytical mind hinders her ability to express what she means

Willingly "looks into the abyss" in the characters she plays

Unrelenting dedication to the protection of her private life

...Is equal to the love you make

Because I realized that being vulnerable in my dark times, brought to me light, strength and comfort beyond what I have ever known, I am still an Other Queen-in-Training.

Because Heath would giggle when he became nervous and  inaccurately express his feelings in interviews due to his over-analytical mind, he will always be remembered as a Royal Rebel.

Because she is happy being an uncovah lovah, and is crowned Queen of Awkward while she isn't even on the same continent as her electors, Kristen is our Reigning Other Queen.

Heath will always be Other.

Kristen is Other.

Others answer the call for balance

with light, encouragement and optimism.
Ten-fold.

Embrace your Other. 

Question: Are you aware of the intentions you put out into the world? 

A/N: Totally UnBeta'd guys, as if you didn't see that already. Bear with me as you stumble upon typos or duplicated words. I literally started this at 2AM this morning, wrote some more at 5AM before I hopped a plane down south. Finished it here in my childhood home, hours after I had hoped. Don't blame my pre-readers Bouffant, Cynically Convy or Buff82 for any shittastic fuckery you see here, blame only MOI. Thanks to the usual suspects. Thanks to the most amazing friends and sisters and readers who reached out and gave some comfort and love when I was stumbling around broken. Mad love to Iris, Buff, CC, Crystal, Kate, Brenda, CWQ and Julie for sending me words of encouragement that brought me to tears. Special shout outs to Tebby, Ophelia2010, Justice_Aussie, and ProRobsten for organizing a "Save The Loopy Therapist" Campaign...words cannot convey. Thanks to KStewartFan for the lovely Kristen pictures, per usual, and to the aforementioned bloggers Rose, Dano/Opy and LetterstoRK as linked above, for answering the call for balance, with light and encouragement. Special thanks to my Practice's business manager Puss who took a big hit for the team but emerged triumphant with me. Onward to Bliss...See you all Next Thursday. xo, Kj